OK, this is a long one, but I LOVE this part of Bobby Bare's "Numbers":
She looked up and down my perfect frame
And said these words that burned into my perfect brain.
She said, well, another one of those macho matician men
Kind who grade all women on scales of 1 to 10
And, you give me an 8, well, that's a generous thing to do
Now, let's just see, just how much I give you.
She said you comin' on to me with that phony numbers jive
Your style makes me smile, I give it a 5
When you walked up I noticed that suit of yours
It's last year's double-knit frayed-cuffs, give it a 4.
That must be your car parked out on the curb
That 69 homemade convertible, a 3 and a 1/3
Now, as for your build, I guess you're less than 5
Except, for your pot belly, I'd give that a 10 for size.
That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you
But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a 2
It's hard to tell what your flashin smile is worth
I give it a 6, you could use some dental work.
But, it's your struttin rooster act that really makes me laugh
It may be a 10 to these country hens, but to me a 3 and a 1/2
And there really ain't much to add once the subtractin's done
Since there ain't no 0's, I give you a one!.
Also, love the Statler's, "You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith Too":
Then we went to a drive-in show.
you were kissing on Kate, she wouldn’t let you go
I looked at Edith, started feeling bold.
I found your big, hairy hand holdin on
to the hand I was trying to hold.